When separating or divorcing, it is critical to remember that children love both parents and both sides of the family. They want everyone to get along, and whether being praised or scolded, children need a unified front from their caregivers. When keeping the nuclear family together becomes impossible, the next best thing is to keep the broken family intact, which leads to what Attorney Cory Rosenbaum calls “The Family Ladder” a term he attributes to a former client.
Rosenbaum explains, “If you imagine what is best for children as a Family Ladder, the top rung is an intact, happy nuclear family—no arguing, no cheating, no addictions and no divorce. Marriages end whether we like it or not, and if we cannot always maintain the top rung on the Family Ladder, the next best rung to aspire to when providing for our children is to keep the divorced family intact, the second rung.”
“In my practice, I see that children’s families are often broken down into ‘mom’s family’ and ‘dad’s family,’” continues Rosenbaum. “The kids can only see or speak with the aunts and uncles and grandparents on one side of the family when they are with that side of the family. Most agree that children with divorced parents are best served when the parents, and all of the adults in their lives, do their best to get along and embrace ‘ex-relatives’ as family to their children. Children should be able to see their family, both sides, whether or not their mom and dad are married.”
Rosenbaum recommends that parents on both sides of a divorce make every effort to allow the children to see any family members, regardless of the visitation schedule or custody agreement, and to remember that these people not to be thought of as the ex-spouse’s family, but instead as their child’s family.
“If you want to maintain the next rung on the Family Ladder, allow your children to call and speak with whichever family members they want to, and make sure your children’s extended family knows that they can call the children’s home anytime,” suggests Rosenbaum. “Consider creating your own open-door-policy, where your children’s home is open to all of your children’s relatives.”
