by Barbara Badolato, LCSW
The turn of a new year has historically brought a big jump in divorce lings. 
Whether the resolution-making process highlights huge holes in a marriage or the end of a tax year signals a time to start a fresh nancial future, couples on the fence in December seem to agree the new year is a time for new beginnings.
The following tips will help separating spouses weather the divorce process with their emotional well-being intact.
1. Spend time getting smart about your financial situation. Learn where the records and statements are kept, and review them. Knowledge is power. This step makes it easier to prepare a realistic budget that will include expenses for two separate households.
2. Cultivate a support system. In addition to finding a therapist, many couples find it helpful to engage the services of a divorce counselor and a divorce financial planner.
3. Research the various methods of getting a divorce. Consider a process that takes your children’s emotional well-being into account. Divorces shouldn’t leave both parties destitute and exhausted. Many couples find mediation a saner, quicker alternative to a contested, adversarial divorce.
4. Discuss with your partner how and when you will tell your children. Ideally, you do it together.
5. Stay focused on looking forward. Using your divorce as an opportunity to right all the wrongs in your marriage, to get revenge for past hurts, will only delay your own healing and your ability to move on.
6. Manage your own expectations. Most times, it will not be possible to sustain the same lifestyle as you did when you were married. Maintaining two separate households is substantially more expensive than maintaining one.
7. Most of all, remember that although marriages may end, families are forever. A “good” divorce is one that allows former spouses to co-parent their children effectively. Mediation is especially well-suited to preserving family relationships.
Source: Divorce Mediation Professionals. For more information, call 516-222-0101.
