“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. … For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”—Mother Teresa
We all react. You are driving down the road singing Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” at the top of your lungs when some complete idiot crosses the yellow line into your lane. You react. For me, my reaction often starts with my middle finger. Or, and this is a good one, you see on Facebook that your daughter’s friend had five girls over for a sleepover and your daughter was left off the guest list. Your reaction is to hit the passive-aggressive “LIKE” button, thinking smugly, “I ‘like’ this to let you know I do not LIKE this.” With family we react because we believe we know the motives behind their actions. We have known them all our lives; of course, we know why they do what they do!
Our belief about what is happening between us and the people we come in contact with is often not reality however. The belief about the driver is that he is some hotshot teenager with a new car. And the belief about the mom on Facebook is that she is a bragger that wants to shove her perfect family in everyone’s face. However, how accurate are those beliefs?
It is human nature to judge another’s actions and assign meaning to those actions. We would do better to first seek to understand. Understanding is necessary with food as much as it is with people.
In “It’s All About Metabolism,” our feature article this month, there is years’ worth of research and evidence showing that processed carbs are detrimental to our health. We need to understand this to make a change. This is a radical shift in eating for many, and it takes time and patience. But most importantly what does it take? Understanding. I am a New Yorker and, trust me, I will NOT separate from my bagel without some strong data; however, like it or not, the data is there (I type this sadly as I put down my salt bagel). Read it, understand it, and make changes in 2015 because of it.
Back to that nut that cut you off today. You are right, he is an egotistical teen- ager; he was also running to the hospital to see his grandpa one last time. In the article “New Year, New You,” on page 30, it says, “Perfection isn’t likable.” Those words could not be truer, and perceived perfection is worse. What about “Mrs. Per- fect Facebook”—that “friend” of yours with the photos of her perfect child at the perfect sleepover that your daughter wasn’t invited to? Well, you see, those photos are not really intended for you; they are for her. They remind her how blessed she is when times are tough, and she’s been having a lot of those tough times lately. Oh, and your family member whose motives you know so well because you lived together all your life? Well, honestly, you don’t. You lived with her for maybe 20 years, and now she is 50. You no longer know what motivates her when she makes bad choices; how could you? Instead of assuming, why not ask her?
Clarify, understand, or, better yet, offer your fellow “man” the benefit of the doubt. As humans, we just don’t do that enough with one another. Our natural response is to pass judgment. We all have our own distinct path, our journey. So, this year, 2015, let’s not pass judgment on one another’s actions or assign our own interpreted meaning to those actions. Instead, let’s recognize, “It was never between you and them anyway.”
Malama Pono!
Kelly Martinsen, Publisher
