Love: As much joy that this word promises, it also comes with its share of pain, too. Love isn’t created to give any sort of troubles, but our attitude toward love is what has created a lot of havoc. Here are my seven norm-breaking tips on making peace with love.
1. Don’t categorize love. You have been taught to shower a different kind of love on different people in your life. Your spouse gets a certain kind of love, your children get another, and friends and colleagues are reserved for other varieties. Who taught you to categorize love? Society! The custodians of society will always come up with reasons to categorize love, just like they have categorized religion. Don’t use any filter in your love.
2. Learn to let go. The day must end to give night its way. The rain must fall to let the clouds have their way. The child must come out of the womb, grow up, and set on an independent journey. Letting go is the necessity in life. You cannot hold on to something in the name of love. You have had your experience with the person or situation, but now its time to let go. Be it an ex lover or a beloved who has passed away, release
3. Express yourself. Learn to express yourself. When love is expressed in its entirety, life is no longer a pursuit of happiness; it becomes happiness. Be it the person that you admire on Facebook or at your workplace or your loved one. Take time to compliment the best thing in him or her. A well-intentioned compliment always finds its way into the other person’s heart.
4. Liberate your love. It could be possible that you were insanely in love when you met your “soul mate,” but now it’s also possible that you both have evolved (or devolved) to a significant extent. It is perfectly normal to bid a happy goodbye to each other when it’s time to part ways. Liberate your love from day one. Your loved one isn’t a prized possession. In liberating your love, you will find your truest self.
5. Love isn’t about others. Your health is about your health. It’s not about others. But if you are healthy, you can help others to be healthy also. In the same fashion, love isn’t about loving others. We do that to fulfill our insecurities and loneliness. Love is about being loving. Love shouldn’t be what you are doing. Love should be what you are. If you are in a state of deep love, you can have others in love, too. The whole idea of loving others is a sham, as it’s created to satisfy the innate needs of feeling fulfilled mentally and physically. The authentic love travels far and wide beyond such shallow needs.
6. Love is not attachment. In fact, love is the complete opposite of attachment. Most of us are attached to the people in our lives and continue to call it love. Hence, the problems begin! In attachment, you would yearn for approval and seek happiness from others. In love, you don’t seek any approvals because you have accepted yourself the way you are. The extraction of happiness from others doesn’t happen in love. Do yourself a favor and see if you are in love or attachment with others.
7. Love, the express train. The perfect metaphor to describe love in today’s times is that of an express train. We get on and off of the love train very often. The moment the other person doesn’t fulfill our needs, we get out of it. The moment someone starts to make us happy (even if it’s momentarily), we get on the love express train. It is tragic, to put it in one word. You have used love to channel the happiness in life, but how long does it last? You know the answer
My job is to question your answers. If these seven tips question any of your answers, then I feel accomplished.
Chandresh Bhardwaj is a spiritual guide who specializes in the Eastern sciences of healing and transformation. He is also the founder of Break the Norms, a center of self-discovery, personal growth and increased well-being, located in New York and California. Break the Norms offers weekly meditation and yoga classes, as well as Ayurveda workshops. Location of New York center: 47 W. Nicholai St., Hicksville. For more information, call 516-938-9600 or visit BreakTheNorms.com. See ad on page 23.
