I hate Valentine’s Day! Reading that sentiment, you may conclude I’ve never been in love, I’m going through a relationship shift or I’m just a miserable person; however, you’d be wrong. I’m actually married to a man I love a good 98 percent of the time (the remaining 2 percent, I’m busy deciding where to hide the body). But, hey, life, even a blessed one, is anything but perfect.
My strong negative feeling toward Valentine’s Day has to do with the fact that it pretends life, or, more accurately, love is “perfect.” It’s a day that reminds us of our firsts. First date, first kiss, first apartment, first trip, first child. Sure, the first kiss is great (hopefully the first child, too)! Everyone knows that, but why is it great? Because it’s new! Being new it has the wonderful added energy of anticipation. However, that’s not love; that’s an endorphin high. Waking up and kissing each other when you’re 98 years old—that’s love! That takes work, not flowers, not candy (although sometimes it is flowers and candy, but not on a scheduled day). True love is watching someone floss their teeth and minutes later becoming intimate. It’s doing that over and over and over. Trust me, and I say this with all respect to my husband, but saying the first “I love you” is a lot easier BEFORE you’ve shared a bathroom. Real love often means putting up with each other’s crappy (no pun intended) behavior and forgiving each other often multiple times. Love is finding each other again and again and again. And when you are angry or, worse, find yourself becoming indifferent to the person you are with, love is the energy that makes you go deeper and share an even more profound level of yourself that the person you are with hasn’t even ever seen.
In the novel The Husband’s Secret, Liane Moriarty writes of a couple that is struggling with a choice: “They could fall in love with fresh, new people, or they could have the courage and humility to tear off some essential layer of themselves and reveal to each other a whole new level of otherness, a level far beyond what sort of music they each liked.” Wow! Stripping down layers of yourself, revealing a new level of “otherness,” and falling in love with a different aspect of the same person year after year. That is probably what St. Valentine had in mind. That would take humility, courage, patience—and it’s a risk! Yes, to show someone a new part of you is a risk! Flowers, chocolate and candy—to me that’s just a whole lot of disappointment and fat calories.
This month’s issue is filled with articles teeming with inspiring information on important topics, including “Home Safe Home,” “Rethinking Heart Health” and even “Love Magnet,” specifically tailored for the reader that can’t seem to find that person with whom a lifetime commitment seems promising. Perhaps these articles may offer some inspiration. If not, then at least this month’s edition features an article that espouses the health benefits of chocolate. And, hey, if chocolate is now a health food, then maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t so horrible after all!
