“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” –Marcel Proust
“You gotta reframe that!” said fellow publisher Joe Dunne one day when I was complaining about my feelings toward a business associate. The relationship had begun to feel one sided. “I can’t stand it; there is nothing more I can give. I feel used!” I complained. My expectation was that Joe, a good friend, would sympathize and maybe give me a salty word or phrase to hurl at this person. Instead, he simply said in his Rockaway Beach inflection, “Come on rock star, you gotta reframe that!”
When things occur in our lives, they don’t have an impact on us, rather, they elicit reactions from us. Unpleasant events happen in all of our lives, but it is the way we hang that event on the proverbial wall of our life—how we “frame it”—that determines its impact. Take, for example, the employee that gets a bad yearly review or the student that receives a bad report card, or that multi-tasking adult that is both a student and an employee that receives a bad review and at the same time a bad report card! (Poor sod. ) We can frame it as an opportunity for growth and development, and implement changes to ensure that next year will be even better. That type of frame is actually empowering; it gives you a source of positive energy that propels you toward a specific goal. The positive actions then fuel your very cells, your relationships, your life. If, though, you frame it by fighting the powers, gossiping about the review, telling your co-workers month after month that your manager is “fat and stupid anyway,” that will have an impact on you as well. It stirs, if you will, a sh*t storm around an already unpleasant event.
This is true for physicalities as well. Too often, I have heard women my age talk about “bat wings” on their arms, “love handles” draping their hips and wrinkles on their faces. A much more loving approach is to eat healthfully and exercise, and when you believe you are the healthiest version of you, then reframe and see your body as the thing a child hugs at night when running from monsters under his or her bed. Your wrinkles? Etchings, permanent reminders of all the times you have loved and laughed, smiled and winked.
It is my two-year anniversary as publisher of Natural Awakenings Long Island . I would NEVER be publisher of this beautiful magazine if I hadn’t first been laid off by a company that I had dedicated myself to for 13 years. That day, I was devastated and angry, and I did gossip with my friends that the man that made the decision to let me go was “fat and stupid.” And, at the time, I may have been overheard calling him “lonely”! (Hey don’t judge, I was hurt!) In the end, though, I reframed my situation as an opportunity. Reframing led me here to you as your publisher, and I could not be happier! Thank you for an amazing two years!
Think I don’t practice what I preach? Above is a photo of me, after mistakenly picking up what I believed was my own coffee at a public pool, #strangersbackwash!……here we are “reframing” the event as a possible add for Dunkin Donuts!
